Wednesday, October 03, 2007
The 5KsBy now, we must have all heard of Singapore 5 "C"s.
ie Car, Condo, Credit Card, Cash, Career....
Bet you haven't heard of the 5 Ks.
i) kiasu (scared to lose)
ii) kiasee (scared of death)
iii) kiabor (scared of wife)
iv) kiabo (scared of having nothing)
v) kiachenghu (scared of government)
Ah Beng's love poemTo Ah Lian,
Your beautiful face no fight,
Silky hair everybody like,
Your horse figure no horse run,
Big big eyes, small small mouth, cannot tahan,
One word, marry wife follow wife, marry cat follow cat,
You go there, I go there.
If you are the moon, I'm the star beside you.
If you are a flower, I'm the leave of your flower,
When you exercise, I'm your sweat at the armpit,
If you are shit, I'm the fly,
When you are bathing, I'm the soap,
To sky mountain sea corner,
You are my woman this lifetime.
From Ah Beng -- Contributed by CCS.
The True Meaning of GutsOnce, during the gulf war, the President of USA, and the Prime Ministers of UK and Singapore were travelling on a war ship that was cruising near Saudi Arabia. The 3 were talking about how brave their soldiers were but their discussion soon turned into an argument where each wanted to prove the bravery of their own troops.
The President of USA said, "let me show you what is guts", whereupon he called his Colonel and ordered him "Jump into the sea and swim 3 times around this ship!". The Colonel replied "Anything for Uncle Sam, Sir!", jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 3 rounds with the sharks chasing him like mad! After the 3 successful rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, "I did it for Uncle Sam, my President!". The proud President replied "That's what I call guts!"
The Prime Minister of UK was pissed. He called his 3-star General and said "General, jump into the sea and swim 10 rounds around this ship!". The General replied "Anything for the Queen, Sir!", jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 10 rounds with the sharks chasing him like hell! After the 10 successful rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, "Long Live the Queen!". The proud PM replied "That's what I call guts!"
The Prime Minister of Singapore cannot tahan ("tolerate" in Singapore colloquial). He had to show that his soldiers have it too. So he called one of his Privates and said "Soldier, jump into the sea and swim 50 rounds".The Private replied "Ooi, you seow is it ? ("mad" in Hokkien) I just bought my Executive Condo and I am paying through my nose. You want me to jump and die or what? If you want to ya-ya (show off in Malay), you jump into the sea lah". The PM smiled and said "Now, that's what I call guts!"
NSman JokesWhat you say when ...
==============================================
1. you are asked to sign on --------------- kum lan
2. you pass out from course -------------- sia lan
3. your boss don't give you a chance ----- lau lan
4. you do something with no result -------- lan pa pa lan
5. you met a saboh king ------------------ kwai lan
6. you miss out your promotion ----------- tu lan
7. you are condemned -------------------- lan lan
8. you have an early release --------------- kio tio gu lan
9. you are going to ROD ------------------ boh hew lan
10.you do nothing ------------------------- cho boh lan
11.you come back for reservist ------------ cho si mi lan
12.you are doing shit jobs ------------------ kana lan
Why Singaporeans Speak Better English The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it effectively when communicating their intentions. Just compare these few common phrases that Singaporeans and Britons use to say the same thing:
Dealing with Customers...
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!
Returning a Call...
Britons: Hello, this is John Travolta. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page? Or: Siang kah pager?
When someone is in the way...
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans: Lai, siam ah! Or Skius mee! (excuse me)
When someone offers to pay...
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: No-nid lah. (no need)
When asking for permission...
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can or not?
When asking to be excused...
Britons: If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S'poreans: Li tan, Wa ke pang jio! Or Wah, buay ta han, ai choot liao!
When entertaining...
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy, leh!
When doubting someone...
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Where got?
When facing a finanical crisis....
Britons: I am really in need of more capital for me to turn the company around. I truely hope that you could approve my application for this emergency loan.
S'poreans: Money no enough lah. You lend or not ?
When declining an offer...
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
S'poreans: Doe-waaaan. (don't want)
When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons: What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how?
When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about
S'poreans: Li siow, ah? (you mad, ha?)
When asking someone to lower their voice...
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Mai kao beh kao bu, lah!
When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: Kua si mi? (See what ?)
So, that's it. I think all of you can find other examples. From these examples I think that Singaporeans are definitely a superior breed who get straight to the point. So in your next contact with an Ang-moh, use our common phrases. Don't compromise what you are just to accommodate them. -- Contributed by Mike.
Write with no regret
2:22 PM
